A little- [ His eartips dip and he sighs. ] A lot.
[ It is something that is worth worrying about- that sentiment. But that Kadan for him is not something of a lover's endearment...Zevran is uncertain if that is better or worse. If the knot in his chest means relief or regret. He could want more, with Taas. But he and Cyril- or he and anyone else...
He swallows past it. Here there is no room for whatever the strangeness he is feeling. ]
Would you ever wish to? Lay claim, that is. I know it is not your way and that is well and good. But do you ever wish to have more?
[ Should he even be asking? Taas is not like most but he is like him. Sentiment has no place in the life of an Assassin. Even if he has had time to learn and want and perhaps even reach- Taas may be content where he is. How he is. ]
I don't think I understand what 'more' means to you. I have so much in my life.
[ He rubs the elf's back gently, affectionately. ]
I have people I care for deeply, both as lovers and as friends. I have people I trust, people that make me happy. Great sex. What else is there? Exclusivity? Binding someone down to just you? It makes little sense to me.
I don't want to own anyone. As long as we're all happy, then 'love' is just a word that means nothing to me.
[ Taas smiles softly, taking Zevran's hand in his own. ]
Do you want more? Is this what you mean to tell me?
More does not need to be exclusive. [ He knows that much. He knows very little in this but- he knows it need not be something so mundane and binding as monogamy. ] It would be...favorites, I suppose? More weight, more sentiment. More affection? I- I will admit I am not the best to speak of such things. There has not been much of...more...in my life. And what little I had was tainted by the Crows.
[ He churls his fingers in Taas'. It's a tentative, wary thing- not for who or what Taas is- but for who and what he is. ]
It is not ownership. I have been owned- more than once. I did not care for it but- love is...sharing? All of you with all of someone else. Equally. Understanding.
I thought perhaps you and Cyril had this or...the beginnings of this.
[ He watches the words playing on those lips, quiet as the elf speaks. It still didn't make that much sense to him - if that was love, then why did it seem so complicated? He had people he shared himself with, who he cared for an trusted. Maybe even some more than others - as he had said, there were people he fucked, and then there were people he fucked that had grown into friends. Something more.
What does hit him, however, is what Zevran says about himself. That he hadn't had much of that, and the little he did was tainted. It explains a little of the trepidation, the insecurity that had seemed so uncharacteristic.
Taas reaches out and tilts up the Antivan's chin so that their eyes meet. ]
If that is what love is, then I already share my love with you, Zevran. I've never let my guard down as much as I have with you.
[ The same with Cyril, but he wasn't going to mention that right now. Zevran seemed to need a reminder that he was worth so much more than he though he was. ]
[ It'd be easier to bear if he knew this would lead to a kiss or perhaps a ravishment- but the weight of Taas' eyes has never been quite so unbearable, the kindness in him coiling like a leaden weight in his chest. Whatever came next? He did not know if he could stand to hear it.
One word. One word, one syllable, four letters, a lifetime of pain, of fear, of trepidation-
He freezes.
Eyes wide and skin blanched, he locks up entirely under Taas' hand. That- this isn't how the conversation is supposed to go. He was supposed to hear and know that he felt such a thing for Cyril not- not him. This is not for him, all this warmth, all this affection, all this promise. ]
Someone I trust, feel affection for, share myself with, like to fuck, would murder a band of Crows for? Yeah. I like it.
[ He strokes Zevran's back gently, trying to soothe the man. ]
Easy. I don't expect anything from you. We have a good deal going on, right? It's just nice to figure out what love means.
[ Without the exclusivity and ownership part, feeling strong affection and sharing hidden part of himself seemed to make more sense. It was friendship with someone you fucked, only deeper.
Was the kind of happiness he had felt when he escorted Cyril to the soiree been the same thing? A feeling of love and pride?]
[ That...this is not how the conversation was supposed to go. Zevran himself feels more than a little confused- but not uncomfortable. Skittish tension coils through his shoulders, slowly soothed by Taas' hand.
No demands, no expectations.
Little by little he unwinds. This is...this is fine. ]
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no subject
[ It is something that is worth worrying about- that sentiment. But that Kadan for him is not something of a lover's endearment...Zevran is uncertain if that is better or worse. If the knot in his chest means relief or regret. He could want more, with Taas. But he and Cyril- or he and anyone else...
He swallows past it. Here there is no room for whatever the strangeness he is feeling. ]
Would you ever wish to? Lay claim, that is. I know it is not your way and that is well and good. But do you ever wish to have more?
[ Should he even be asking? Taas is not like most but he is like him. Sentiment has no place in the life of an Assassin. Even if he has had time to learn and want and perhaps even reach- Taas may be content where he is. How he is. ]
no subject
[ He rubs the elf's back gently, affectionately. ]
I have people I care for deeply, both as lovers and as friends. I have people I trust, people that make me happy. Great sex. What else is there? Exclusivity? Binding someone down to just you? It makes little sense to me.
I don't want to own anyone. As long as we're all happy, then 'love' is just a word that means nothing to me.
[ Taas smiles softly, taking Zevran's hand in his own. ]
Do you want more? Is this what you mean to tell me?
no subject
[ He churls his fingers in Taas'. It's a tentative, wary thing- not for who or what Taas is- but for who and what he is. ]
It is not ownership. I have been owned- more than once. I did not care for it but- love is...sharing? All of you with all of someone else. Equally. Understanding.
I thought perhaps you and Cyril had this or...the beginnings of this.
no subject
What does hit him, however, is what Zevran says about himself. That he hadn't had much of that, and the little he did was tainted. It explains a little of the trepidation, the insecurity that had seemed so uncharacteristic.
Taas reaches out and tilts up the Antivan's chin so that their eyes meet. ]
If that is what love is, then I already share my love with you, Zevran. I've never let my guard down as much as I have with you.
[ The same with Cyril, but he wasn't going to mention that right now. Zevran seemed to need a reminder that he was worth so much more than he though he was. ]
no subject
One word. One word, one syllable, four letters, a lifetime of pain, of fear, of trepidation-
He freezes.
Eyes wide and skin blanched, he locks up entirely under Taas' hand. That- this isn't how the conversation is supposed to go. He was supposed to hear and know that he felt such a thing for Cyril not- not him. This is not for him, all this warmth, all this affection, all this promise. ]
I- You-
[ Maybe he did not explain it clearly? ]
no subject
[ He strokes Zevran's back gently, trying to soothe the man. ]
Easy. I don't expect anything from you. We have a good deal going on, right? It's just nice to figure out what love means.
[ Without the exclusivity and ownership part, feeling strong affection and sharing hidden part of himself seemed to make more sense. It was friendship with someone you fucked, only deeper.
Was the kind of happiness he had felt when he escorted Cyril to the soiree been the same thing? A feeling of love and pride?]
no subject
[ That...this is not how the conversation was supposed to go. Zevran himself feels more than a little confused- but not uncomfortable. Skittish tension coils through his shoulders, slowly soothed by Taas' hand.
No demands, no expectations.
Little by little he unwinds. This is...this is fine. ]
Ah. I am happy to help.